Enazoree (The Assamese word for An Invisible Bond)

By Pritha Lal
Springville, Utah, USA

Read the word a couple of months ago I think, chanced upon it again in a different context today and refreshed the meaning in my mind - "an invisible bond" a few references on the web said... and a friend I know confirmed.. made me smile.
 Some of the most beautiful things in life are inexplicable, like the sunrise from an airplane, or the sound of waves crashing on the shore, or a little baby's giggle, the crackle of a warm fireplace, the sound of dewdrops falling from leaves, the warmth of the summer sun after a long cold winter... poems, sonnets, and literary treatise have been written about such phenomenon and more. It is a challenge for people like me to express the unexpressed in words, to capture in all within one's grasp to fathom it, to perceive the tangible...
 With you it's different now and somehow I like the change. You make me want to aspire for something I have never given a chance... SILENCE...
 You make me want to perceive the silence, the absence, the unknown, and make me look for meaning in the have-nots, the seeming gaps, the unsaid words. You find meaning in all this by not looking for it. You don't seek conclusions out, you let them evolve, you grow with the process.
 You teach me how to not get lost in the quagmire of the day to day and instead look for the beauty in the complete picture. The light, the dark, the greys, the reds, all mesh into a plethora of hues that cannot be described anymore. Life itself looks more real, not more or less beautiful or happy.. just real. And that can never be a bad thing right?
 I don't know who you are at times and at times you are inseparable from my core. I have given up wanting to define what we share, because I realize I cannot. I don't know if I love you, because even love seems confining in boundaries of what I feel for you. I have stopped looking for answers because there are no more questions. I know I will falter, slip, but I know each time, it will get easier for me to get up.
 I feel like a child at times with you as I rediscover things about myself and life that I could only try to describe in words, but maybe never really felt. The heady romanticism was all it was about.. the sensuality, the tangible beauty. Somehow I find myself wanting more than that... wanting to find my peace not in you, with you or without you..but in this solitary space within myself.. where you are omnipresent, always real.
 There is no definition to what we share, there never was.. and today I don't even want it. I don't want to lose myself in you because, you enable me to find myself a little bit more each day. Am feeling this unique sense of freedom today where all the strings I had that tied you down are gradually coming off and it is like I am setting myself free and you too in the process. It is not a goodbye nor is it a reaffirmation of unsaid vows. It is the most amazing feeling of knowing, your soul lies within you and with it.... what you share.. can never be fathomed.. because it is and will forever remain...................
Enazoree'